Friday, July 23, 2010

Hmm. $14.5M. Where Have I Heard That Before?

I work in the account section of a bank where I discovered $14.5M left in an account by a foreign client.The funds have never been applied for since the death of the client because they are in an investment account.This is a life changing opportunity. If interested, get back to me.

Stanley Lebolo.

Oh No! Not Briggs!

Dear Beloved.

This letter may come to you as a surprise due to the fact that we have not yet met. I have to say that I have no intentions of causing you any pains. As you read this, I don't want you to feel sorry for me,because, I believe everyone will die someday. My name is Mr Albert Briggs a merchant in London, but taking treatment now .

I have been diagnosed with prostate and esophageal cancer that was discovered very late due to my laxity in caring for my health. It has defiled all form of medicine and right now, I have only about a few months to live according to medical experts.

I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone not even myself but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focus on my business as that was the only thing I cared for.But now I regret all chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it.

Now that I know my time is near, I have willed and given most of my properties and assets to my immediate and extended family members and as well as a few close friends.I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E, London and Ireland.

Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this my self any more. I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and donate the money, which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria, they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what i have left for them. The last of my money which is the huge cash deposit that i have with security firm Abroad .

I will want you to help me collect this deposit and dispatched it to charity organizations and let them know that it is I Albert Briggs that is making this generous donation.I am writing this from my laptop computer in my hospital bed where I wait for my time to come. I pray for you to support and assist me with good heart. Contact my attorney for all the legal proceedings ASAP on :

Bless You Beloved In Christ.
Mr Albert Briggs

Monday, July 19, 2010

My Fateful Reply:

Dear Robert Wright:

I received your recent missive hard on the heels of a message from Mr. Paul Moore regarding diamonds. I assume it's no coincidence that both of you await my urgent reply. I can assure you help is on the way. Let me just say, sir, that the Diamonds of Akim Ahmed (DAA) (not his real name, by the way) can provide the cover necessary for the out of contract Fifa sums you wish to invest "outside the South Africa." On a tangent, I might point out that it was not hard for me to figure out where the over-billing occurred: the jubulani football, used in the World Cup, which was so suspiciously unruly (SU) one can only assume that the important materials left out of the construction of it have made you and Mr. Clark rich indeed.

So, I was ready hurry directly your way, with only a the briefest stopover in Dubai to meet with Akim Ahmed (or whatever his name is) to procure the aforementioned rainbow rocks (or DAA), when I received THIS message which, I tell you, sent a chill through my very veins:

Dear Sir/Madam,

With a very desperate need for assistance, I have summed up courage to contact you. I am from (will disclose this later), formally working in Iraq with an international organization that I will also disclose later, we are now in Afganistain I found your contact particulars in an address journal. I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of (US18.523 Million Dollars) Eighteen Million, five Hundred And Twenty Three Thousand US Dollars to your country or any other safe country of your choice, as far as I can be assured that my share will be safe in your care until I complete my service here,this is no stolen money,and there are no dangers involved.

SOURCE OF MONEY:Some money in various currencies was discovered concealed in barrels with piles of weapons and ammunitions at a location near one of Saddam's old palaces during a rescue operation, and it was agreed by all party present that the money be shared amongst us, this was quite an illegal thing to do, but I tell you what? no compensation can make up for the risks we have taken with our lives in this hell hole. The above figure was given to me as my share, and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me, so with the help of a German contact working here, and his office enjoys some immunity, I was able to get the package out to a safe cation entirely out of trouble spot. He does not know the real contents of the package, and believes that it belongs to an Asian/American who died in an air raid, and before giving up, trusted me to hand over the package to his business associate.

I have now found a secured way of getting the package out to a safer country for you to pick up, and will discuss this with you when I am sure that you are willing to assist me.One passionate appeal I will make to you is not to discuss this matter with a third party, should you have reasons to reject this offer, please destroy this mail as any leakage of this information will be too bad for us.I do not know for how long we will remain here, and I have survived 6 suicide bomb attacks by the special grace of God, this and other reasons I will mention later has prompted me to reach out for help, I honestly want this matter to be resolved immediately. Please contact me as soon as possible and kindly fill up this requirements like:

Your full name:

Your country:
Contact phone/fax number:


Mr Ali Ibrahim.

What evil is this, Robert? Clearly Ali Ibrahim is slumming as Akim Ahmed, and he has converted his uholy Saddam spoils to rare diamonds (more specifically, the aforementioned DAA), which he is planning to sell to the unnamed Asian/American who we can presume only pretended to die in the air raid so that he could escape from the SU hell hole that was Iraq! The mind reels. Perhaps I'm not as strong in math as the great Abu l'Hasan al-Uqlidisi, but, taking your $14,500,000.00 and subtracting it from the $18,523,000.00 of Ali Ibrahim, leaves around $4,023,000.00. Assuming Paul needs 5 kilos of diamonds at $550 per gram, and that there are (I'll tell you later) grams in a kilogram, all we need to do is find the Asian/American ... and introduce him to Nina! of Seratov.

Boom. Done. I'm on my way!*

Merlin Sulchek

*most urgently

And Then, This (coincidence? I think not):

32 Sliveway Melvin
Johannesburg, South Africa

Good Day.

In line with Government's commitment to transform the public sector, The South African National Roads Agency Ltd (SANRAL) was established in April 1998 by an Act of Parliament as an independent statutory company operating along commercial lines and at arm's length from Government. SANRAL harnesses more than 600 person years of core skills and experience in road development and management within a highly motivated, professional and passionate team of people operating out of its (Pretoria) head office.

I am Mr. Robert Wright, the Director of Contract Award and Procurement Commission (CAPCOM) to the Republic of South Africa. I and the Chairman of (CAPCOM) (Mr. Joseph Clark) are confidentially requesting for your consent to transfer a deliberate OVER-INVOICED sum of US$14,500,000.00M. out of contract awarded to foreign firms before the 2010 Fifa Football World Cup that took place in my country South Africa. from June 11th to July 11th 2010.*

This is to use your name/particulars LEGALLY transfer the said fund which we deliberately inflated/over-estimated during the contract we awarded some months ago for our personal benefit. Hence we have decided to invest and re-settle outside the South Africa.**

If interested, send me an email so I can give you the full details and I have the deposit document in my possession.

I await your urgent reply.***

Best Regards
Mr. Robert Wright

* won by Spain, much to the Boers' dismay
** that's some clear thinking right there
*** or urgently await my reply, meh, grammer, meh

It Begins Again


After several official enquiries from our chambers of commerce and industry foreign trade office. I decided to contact you directly about a product my company needs from Dubai but we are having problem with the owner of the product due to language barrier.*

Our company deals on costumes such as White Purple, Black and Green Diamond Mixture, we have been purchasing the product from Saudi Arabia but it is very scarce now and we got an information that somebody has it in Dubai. We contacted the owner of the product through his telephone but could not understand his language as he speaks Arabic. This is why we need you to help us link with the dealer. His name is AKIM AHMED.**

Please if you can Speak Arabic,*** take out a moment of your very busy schedule to respond +447045730057 for more details and we will also give you the telephone number of the dealer to call and confirm if he has the product in stock. What we need at the moment is White and Purple Diamond Mixture.

We used to buy from SAUDI-ARABIA at the rate of $400 per Gramm and we need about 5 kilogrammes. Assist us to know if the man has up to 5 kilos and each Gramm that we are buying, we are adding $110 for our profit (i.e. you and I).**** We are seriously in need of the product because of lack of materials in our company. This transaction is 100% risk free, legal and is a long lasting business that will enrich both of us.

Paul Moore,
Production Manager
Direct line: +447045730057 or E-mail us with this (

* no fooling
** I am SO all over this guy, starting now
*** well, not exactly
**** this looks to involve multiplication and/or long division which, I admit, are not in my wheelhouse. But. Not to worry, Paul. I completely trust you to do what's right because, hey -- you came to me, personally and directly